odds are 6:1

i bought myself a lovely necklace (on this day) for my 24th birthday. i wore it only on special occasions, but lately i've been wearing it more often. six months ago, the clasp broke, but i'm pretty crafty and was able to fix it. easy. no trouble with it since. last sunday, i thought about the time it broke and i vaguely thought it was going to break that day. later on, it did. i fixed it and thought it was weird. but, whatever.

on monday night before going to sleep, i thought how lucky i am that i haven't seen a single cockroach in my new apartment. emily once saw one in our west village apartment (she took the morning off from work that day and had an exterminator come over) and we saw at least one massive roach every few weeks when we lived in the lower east side. they are absolutely disgusting. my heart drops to my knees. emily and i used to have a system for dealing with them though. i'd spray raid on it until it died, she'd sweep it up into the trash and then i would take the trash downstairs. it worked for us. now that i live by myself, my plan of action will be to spray the raid and then sweep it into the hallway and hope it disappears. i can't scoop it into the trash. that wasn't my role in the system for a reason. anyway, coming home from work the next day, there was a roach in the stairwell. nearly dead, legs were twitching.

on my way to cupcakes 101 on friday night, i thought about how i haven't found a lucky penny (or any penny on the ground, for that matter) in weeks and weeks. and then i did. heads up.

what are the odds? am i a child psychic?

now and then

last christmas, one of my gifts was an easy bake oven-esque cupcake maker. really! and inside: it had a groupon for cupcakes 101 at butter lane in my neighborhood. it took almost a year for me to actually use it, but i went to the class tonight and it was pretty glorious. in my group of cream-cheese-frosting-makers (there were also chocolate- and vanilla-frosting-makers), was a girl and her sister. one of them documented the entire experience. the other sister helped her out by taking pictures of her using the mixer, pouring in the sugar, etc. she perfectly arranged half-eaten cupcakes and then pushed all of the frosting bowls to the center of the table to capture the most appealing photo. she frosted her cupcakes just so that she even won the class award (and gift certificate!) for making the nicest-looking treats. but in the time she took the photographs and frosted one cupcake, i had finished frosting four and was putting them away in my to-go box.

so, as you might have noticed, i haven't blogged since october 10. i was going to post a laundry list of reasons why, but i didn't. in general: i am busy. more than ever, i've been immersed in my work. but luckily for me, i have a wildly incredible job. i don't want to write about my day-to-day (besides it being a conflict of interest) because i don't want to be another bragging blogger. if i was to write about my recent weeks, i would sound as if i have the most glamorous life. which i do and i don't. before glamour's women of the year awards (with so many celebz i can't even count) a few weeks ago at carnegie hall, i had a mcChicken for dinner and then took the city bus home. i had +/- 15 dollars in my bank account at the time. the week i interviewed oscar de la renta and met snooki, was also the week i stayed in and watched back-to-back-to-back episodes of bored to death with my BF. whatever. i think a lot about how people cultivate internet identities. picking, choosing, omitting.

furthermore, i seldom bring my digital camera anywhere. and if i take pictures, i almost exclusively use a disposable cam. i like waiting for my film to develop. i like having pictures to hold in my hands and to show my friends when they come to my apartment. but this also means that the pictures are no longer instantaneously available. and that makes it a bit tricky when thinking about a blog. but the quality of a picture on film is a thousand times more beautiful and i love that each camera only allows you to capture 27 photographs. think of how many times you take a picture with a digital camera to get it just right, i prefer not to have that "luxury." one chance is all i get and all i want. my friend told me that while on vacation, her friend was going through her camera while sitting on the beach. enjoying, scrutinizing, deleting. YOU'RE ON THE BEACH.

it's also tiresome/weird to preface stories which i tell in real life that are on my blog with "i posted this on my blog and i don't know if you've seen it yet, but.." maybe it's just me being a little too self aware and self conscious, but i hate re-telling stories. it's pretty obvious when people are recounting a tale for the 3rd of 4th time. it sounds like they're rehearsing lines for a play. the perfect emphasis, word usage for maximum effect, pausing at the right moments, etc. i don't want to regurgitate the same stories to everyone and so i feel the need to warn people that what i say to them is also on my blog. an act to seem more genuine, i guess. a courtesy?

and i am not the sunshiney-cute 22 year old that i was when i started charmly. i am not nearly as positive. and i'm totally fine with that. also, "this would be a great post for my blog!" is no longer an immediate thought when something wonderful happens.

but, i am ambivalent. i absolutely love having 2+ years documented on charmly. i have not forgotten the bouquets of flowers i bought myself and afternoons spent with friends. i am so happy to have entries like this, this and this. i am thankful for all of my entries.

so maybe i will try this month to be a better blogger. to really push myself to write and post pictures and get back into the swing of things.

nyfw FALL 2011

i am so grateful that i was able to attend fashion week again. i had so many lovely and weird experiences backstage while i was reporting. each day was something different.

i witnessed top models have complete meltdowns. and i witnessed them being darling sweethearts. i sat in the front row once. but usually i was in the 3rd row or sometimes i was only backstage. i was in the same room as countless celebrities. i met (my idol) joan rivers and she was so nice and funny. it must have been from all the good karma i have, from (incessantly) recommending her documentary, that i got to meet her. P.S. go see her doc. really.

here are a few things that i saw.

reporter's notebook

the week's schedule

and my collection of press credentials

but, my favorite memory of all:

i (very glamorously) took the m23 crosstown bus to twenty-second street and tenth avenue to center548, where the jason wu show was being held. two girls were denied entry before me and as i walked towards the elevator after checking in, a security guard pulled me aside and mistook me for a model. i smirked and then tweeted about it and took the elevator upstairs to the backstage area. as far as backstages go, everyone was down to business at jason wu. i threw my sleeping-bag coat off into a corner (i did not see a coat check) and went over to the makeup stations where models were getting ready. a woman came up to me and told me that i needed to have my hair done, she must not have seen my reporter's notebook in my hand. "thank you, but i'm a writer." five minutes later i was interviewing her. she was the lead hair stylist. and to have this happen at one of the major shows of the week where some of my favorite models (hi, lindsey wixson! you're fab!) were walking! insane. a good fashion week memory.

so now, i miss getting my copies of the daily (the mag that is given out everyday during fashion week that reports on collections, but is also very who's who) and having rows of half-full miniature bottles of fiji water line my fridge (coolers were stocked with them everywhere you looked). and i (sort of) miss waking up at a six-thirty to be at a show at eight, catching late cabs home and being wildly exhausted in the best possible way. but, most of all, i miss the energy of just being at lincoln center through all of it.

le sigh.

having these wonderful experiences certainly makes me reminisce. two years ago, i went to the fall 2009 shows (a few weeks after i moved to manhattan!) and it was all just a massive culture shock to me. now it is my favorite time of year and luckily, it occurs twice.

gwendolyn

she asked if she could sit next to me. my mouth filled with beef jerky, i nodded and kept reading from my kindle. within the half hour, she told me she was nervous about traveling alone. even though her mother took her to the train station in connecticut and her father was picking her up in vermont. i said that i would make sure she was fine and to not worry about the trip.

she was delighted when i told her my name, saying we both had names of celebrities "sorta." she said she was going to wear a fancy dress and ask justin bieber's publicist if he would take her to her 8th grade dance in may. it doesn't hurt to ask. she normally shops at hot topic but she is wearing american eagle today. most girls wear abercrombie but she doesn't like the smell of the store. she went to her first concert last month with her friend. they saw ke$ha. she taught herself guitar and has her own youtube channel. she loves lip gloss. she got a cell phone for her 14th birthday, but her mother took it away after a few months after she used too many minutes. she doesn't really miss it. she described the problems she was having with her friends. her friends told her she was annoying and were constantly stabbing her in the back. she wanted to give them gifts and write letters to win them back. when i told her that her friends sounded annoying, she defended them. her older sister used to stand up for her, but she is now in high school. she also has a six-month old brother who is a little flirt. she told me that girls physically fight with each other all the time at her (middle) school. she dated a boy for two months and he broke up with her on her facebook wall. her general motto is that "things could always be worse." she is going to try out for the talent show this year and go out for cheerleading in grade 9. she tapped me on the shoulder to ask if i was okay when i was quietly listening to my ipod. she tapped me on the shoulder to show me pictures of her old haircut. she got her nose pierced this summer in burlington. she reads seventeen like it's the bible. she wants to go to cosmetology school or be a singer. she said to remember her because she will be famous one day, repeating and spelling out the letters of her last name.

i wasn't expecting a seat-mate like gwendolyn and i'm still not sure how i feel about her. i was planning to teach myself to crochet and i had great book for the 8-hour train ride up to burlington. at first i felt lucky to sit with her. she was 14 and it's been a while since i've had a conversation with someone that young. a different point of view. despite being tiger beat incarnate (which she preferred over the seventeen she was reading), she was very levelheaded. she was introspective and at many points, she reminded me of myself at that age. giving her advice felt especially rewarding, though i'm not sure how much she actually considered any of it. after a while, i was trying to keep my interactions with her as short as possible (like i said, i had a great book), but she didn't quite take the hint. un/relatable.

after our (many, many) hours together, she hugged me and said how great it was to meet me. and it was great to meet her. or interesting, rather. i realized that it has only been ten years since i was her age and my, how things change! even to think of the past five, four, three years.

i bought a new diary today. i hadn't completely filled up the last volume, but the timing for a new book felt right. i had the last one since june. wild amounts of life has happened since and it just seemed like i needed a fresh start. blank pages, life cycles.

shopping and boys

• i wonder if every vintage-clothing shopper has the same duffle-bag-under-the-bed of ill-fitted blouses, sack dresses and billowy wonder-frocks from the 70s that we all promised ourselves we'd get tailored. annie and i went to one of the best vintage stores in burlington and i tried on the most fabulous yellow gown that was straight out of the brady bunch costume closet. when they were performing! or is that just in the 90s movie? anyway, marcia would have worn it. that's how stunning it was. and even though the zipper was broken and it was too large, it was perfection and i am so glad i didn't get it. i've been down that road too many times.
• for my trip to vermont, i traded in my proper jacket for my mother's floor length coat/sleeping bag. and now, either looking slightly homeless or fabulous (depending on my mindset), i have been staying cozy all around the city. yesterday morning as i got on the bus, i decided to sit in between two other people when i realized that my coat takes up an insane amount of room. i apologized to the woman next to me and we talked about how wonderful it is to have a coat like mine. and then her friend got on the bus at the next stop and they talked the rest of the way about being kind and the importance of not getting too angry at others when they don't behave as they should/as you'd like. they were talking so sweetly and i really felt lucky to be able to listen to their conversation. a little guidance, perhaps? anyway, when the woman next to me left, she wished me a very happy new year and for a good day and she was just so pleasant that it is now my message to you to treat others the way you want to be treated! okay? yes.
• on a whim, i picked up a scratch lottery ticket with my bottle of water from the bodega below beatrice's apartment on monday night. and then i won twenty dollars!
• what would you do if you suddenly won a million-billion?
• redistribute.
• i can't remember when the last time i made a new year's resolution was. i (sort of) make resolutions on my birthday, but never for a new calendar year. but then! i was walking down the street last night and came across a workshop poster that read "RESOLUTION: START WRITING." and it's true, i really do need to. aside from this blog and my job at the magazine, i also keep a diary and work on a few other writing projects that i feel i've more/less neglected in the past few weeks. i partially blame this on the weather since most of my weekends in warmer temps are spent in frolicking in gardens and being incredibly inspired to create. but really, i just need to buck up.
• here it is. january. our lease is up and i'm back apartment searching. and it's lovely and peculiar to read entries like this or this and especially this. i am very thankful that i've kept this blog for so long, tracking my life in manhattan. ever-evolving.
• and i really think i will keep the promise to myself that i will START WRITING more than i have been. on charmly and otherwise. because it would be really nice to see in the future what i was like when i was a kid.

america's got ____

several weeks ago, a fairly famous actor (not a-list or anything, but he is a main character on gossip girl, so that must count for something) sat in my bed (along with britt and a friend of his) til 5 in the morning and played with a fortune teller that i had made. really crafty, with lovely illustrations and lovelier fortunes.

that was the first and last time we saw each other.
maybe because he thought/i am a bit/so weird.

just kidding! we saw each other a year and a half before at the grocery store. i bumped into him with my basket and didn't recognize it was him until emily pointed it out later on. i'm bad at celebz.

anyway, point of the story: i haven't had a full and entire night to my lonesome for weeks, and i subsequently haven't crafted. nor have i thought of a decent project since i tried quilling and bedazzling and i am just craving to do something creative. to just make something. even if it's as simple as a fortune teller. because i haven't in ages and i feel i'm losing my pep because of it. i also came to the realization that i potentially should focus in on one arts-and-craft project. this year alone, i've been briefly obsessed with calligraphy, chandelier-ing, paper people chains, embroidery, friendship bracelets and silhouetting and i think it's about time that i choose something and stick with it.
i need to get my act together!

more or less

surprises

• the exact moment when miranda (at bridges) puts together the pieces of who this "mrs. doubtfire" really is.
  
• after having a massive crush on a boy (and approaching the fizzling stages of their romance), my friend opened up our school newspaper (the cynic) only to find that he wrote an article about the signs of a guy "not being into you." hilarious now, heartbreaking then.
  
• every creak i hear from the apartment above, i always expect a clawfoot bathtub to instantaneously fall into my bedroom. with someone in it looking confused, lots of dust, etc.
  
• evolving friendships.
  
• sometimes when i walk into my apartment, i smell how it did when i first moved in. infrequently and brief.
• i giggle and chat with my friends during ballet class in the same way that i did when i was eight.
  
• it makes me happy just to have ballet friends still...
  
• and the end-of-class bows are my favorite part, as they always have been. fancy!
  
• i went to glamour's women of the year awards on monday night at carnegie hall and i still can't wrap my head around all of the amazingly courageous and kind-hearted activists, athletes and celebrities that i was in the same room with. (celebz included julia roberts, cher, oprah, donatella versace, kelly osbourne, fergie, kate hudson, hilary swank, mia hamm... TAVI!)
  

that's right

i knew it all along

first street

east village

dreamcatcher

how long, do you suppose, does it take to know somebody, until they regularly appear in your dreams?

reconsidered

a year ago, i was ready to leave new york. i couldn't find anything about it that inspired me. i shut down creatively and was looking for a way out. last summer was difficult. i was used to idyllic summers spent largely at the beach in connecticut and in vermont and not the views from my office window of rough and tough midtown-manhattan.

but, as soon as i decided to leave, i decided to stay. i started to understand it here. and my blog really was a big part of me enjoying everything. it has been a place for me to collect all of the excitement and beauty of new york and display it and remind myself how lucky i am to live here. because i certainly didn't feel that way for a while. having my blog has kept me completely motivated and dedicated to seek out everything lovely. it pushes me to go a little bit further with things that i have wanted to do. i have a responsibility to myself to document the small, kind and inspiring.

and i remember writing this entry within the days that i decided to stay. when i started to realize how wonderful it is to live here.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

i don't think new york city is beautiful. some people do. i prefer nature. i prefer flower gardens and ponds and critters running about (so much that street rats don't bother me one bit, though i would trade them in a second for a few deer and a rabbit.) and i prefer willow trees and bird's nests and their morning chirps. i look out my window when i am at work, located a few blocks away from grand central station, and all i see are buildings. no sky, no ground below. just buildings. something that has stayed with me for a while is a line in julia alvarez's book, how the garcia girls lost their accents. i am loosely rephrasing this, but she says that being in new york city is not being inside nor is it being outside. agreed. sometimes it doesn't feel like real life. sometimes i feel as though i am in a painting. concrete and skyscrapers may be gloriously appealing to some. but not to me.

maybe that's the best part of it all. i have to dig a little bit deeper to uncover the extra-ordinary beauty beneath. it is more precious and rare. but when it is there, it's loud and it's merry and it can make me smile long, long after.

and i am thankful that i was able to have those crucial moments and days of recognition and reconsideration, and to have an account of the entire process.

style v. location

i got a text message tuesday morning at 10:25 from annie. she was standing in a mirror and taking a picture of herself in a knee-length royal-blue skirt-suit. "elaine dress is moving back to VT!". she is moving back to burlington today (after her year living in argentina followed by her year of living in silver spring, maryland) and was trying to figure out what she wanted to pack up with her (difficult!). we used to joke that she dressed like seinfeld's elaine when we were living in the green mountain state (note the recent new york times article, the elaine benes look re-appears as new york style) and it had me thinking of how location is so closely related to how one dresses.

on a recent trip home to connecticut, i found a duffel bag filled with the white gauzy dresses that were my vermont summer staple. everyday felt dreamy and i was outfitted accordingly. annie had a different take on fashion. she'd dress as a 13-year-old figure skater, a bavarian girl scout, and more often than not, elaine. clothing was costume and burlington inspired creativity. even during my trip up there in october for alumni weekend, i contemplated buying an authentic square-dancing ensemble (in blue gingham, naturally), but chose a dress that was akin to a 1970s airline stewardess instead.

and in new york!

it's no secret that downtown manhattan girls have incredible style. when i first moved here, i was baffled by it. how did people just look so wonderfully put together? it was beyond what i was used to. when i was in college, t-shirts, side-braids and wild amounts of tie dye (groovy uv!) were my general uniform. and in the beginning of my time here, i was amazed by new york fashion. everywhere, on every street, there were impossibly cool, stylish people. i was bumbling around with nice clothes and everything, but completely lacked any certain style or direction. and trust me, i was acutely aware of how unaware i was.

and then i started to feel more and more alert to what i liked and what i wanted and realized it's not about fitting into any particular style but about identifying my own. feeling good and feeling like myself. last weekend, emily wasn't sure of what to wear so i helped her put together an outfit. but it just wasn't her, it was me and so she changed out of it. i guess it's just like finding a fragrance that's just so clearly meant for you, or finding a hobby that you excel in. you'll most likely have to spend a lot of time to figure out what you like and what you don't. it takes effort but figuring it all out is mostly fun and kind of funny.

oodles

if i had it my way, all news stories would be similar to this.

welp

• the ballet i saw on monday, lady of the camellias, is tragic because the beautiful courtesan (marguerite) has tuberculosis and is going to die. she keeps it a secret and can not be with the man whom she loves because of this. she dances! and then she coughs. (moulin rouge! is based on la traviata which is based on lady of the camellias) but, with the weather constantly changing (hot sun, cold rain, hot sun..) it seems as if everyone in nyc is sick, as well. and the entire audience was coughing and coughing during the performance, right along with our girl, marg. life imitating art? art imitating life?
  
• i went to dinner last night, it was raining so i brought my umbrella. i checked the umbrella before i went to my table at the coat check. when i went to retrieve my umbrella after the meal - it had vanished! the restaurant gave me a replacement to take home. but! the umbrella i had brought had already been a replacement umbrella! several months ago, emily and emily went to dinner and emily (not my roommate) took my umbrella to dinner by mistake and when she ended her meal, she took someone else's accidentally. emily (roommate) felt bad and bought me a new one (really nice of her and unnecessary!) to replace my old favorite. so this replacement umbrella has now just been replaced (and downgraded - as the original replacement was extremely sturdy/non-folding, as was the original) and now i'm left with this dinky fold-up one. yikes.
  
• for the past week, the water in my shower goes from very hot to very cold - every few minutes. this makes showering very unpleasant. but it also makes me think of when there wasn't the advancement yet of running/hot water. and then i feel like a pioneer and don't complain!
• jenna is my oldest friend and sometimes we get into terribly petty fights and we won't talk for months. and then out-of-the-blue we'll both say "i miss you! i love you!" and laugh and then things go back to normal. but she's been away on a cruise with her lovely boyfriend this week and i haven't spoken to her since sunday and it makes me so very sad! come back, boo boo!
• i went to my old office building this morning (across the street from our new building) to visit my old doorman and we hugged and talked about summer and his love of soccer. good to know there is still some heart in midtown.

emily's shadow and emily's cane's shadow. a past yoga injury haunts her resulting in occasional need of a cane:

joy

when school officials ban certain toys (slap bracelets etc, and now the silly bandz that students bring in) because they are too distracting, i wonder if they consider waiting just a little bit longer so that these kids have just enough fun with it before ruining all of the joy!

girl talk

ya, ya, it's important to have wonderful interesting/relevant/meaningful conversations. and often. but! it's also fun and indulgent not to. silly chats about more frivolous endeavors are awfully lovely. so here are a few things that i am thinking of:

• say what you will about starbucks, but that iced passion tea (with milk and sugar-in-the-raw) really makes mid-day in midtown a bit brighter.
• i'm really enjoying essie nail polish in haute as hello. coral. cool, festive.
• currently in the habit of nail-polishing only my left hand's thumb. other fingers blank.
  
• does everyone secretly enjoy watching the bachelor? and doesn't dare admit to it?
  
• i made awkward eye contact with kristin chenoweth on lexington avenue tonight.
• jurlique makes the best hand cream.
• how would you feel if you had a romance with someone who was wildly famous in japan but relatively unknown in the US?
• emily and i once got eyelash extensions. we felt extraordinarily fabulous for two weeks.
• i just realized my gym offers ballet classes developed by the new york city ballet.
• and speaking of which, i can't believe darci kistler's last performance is next month. and i am really glad i already have my ticket.
• had an a++++ meal at 'inoteca (on rivington) last week with the emilys. divine! a cured-meat lover's paradise.
• have you checked your horoscope yet? how do you feel about it?
• new metallicy-mesh purse from mint julep is one of my favorite purchases of 2010.
• and, bloom where you are planted.

catamounts

all week, liz and i have been scheming and longing for a friday night in. we were roommates in college and were really lucky to experience the amazing local food from vermont. a lot of which, is sold at whole foods a few blocks away. we planned that we'd get a frozen american flatbread, ben & jerry's and some other goodies and spend the night noshing and relaxing from the week. when we met outside of the grocery store last night, we both showed up (almost identically) wearing vermont green (with gold accents). go cats go!

conversation on conversation

when annie visited a few months ago, we had one of those wonderful conversations that whips and whirls and lasts for hours. we have these chats pretty frequently and that's why i love her so much. she truly is an inspiring gal, with (many!) interesting things to say. she isn't the type to simply agree and she makes you question and form your own opinions, boldly. anyway, this particular conversation we had was based upon... really good conversation.

i bought a book a few years ago that i am just beginning to get into now and i am reading and rereading it. it was written in the 1930s on the proper etiquette in different social settings for young women (but raaaather brazenly). the book is a delight. it weaves you in and out of situations in the sharpest of ways. how to make everything more fascinating (for your own amusement and maybe for others, as well). it reminds you that there really isn't anything more enjoyable than a good conversation. not the internet, television, blackberries (whatever, etc).

i suppose a lot of it is about practicing language. to be able to lively, wittily and gracefully word your thoughts. to train your mind. to partake in daring adventures and read all that you can on interesting subjects. to develop your opinions, knowledge. to expand your vocabulary. an interesting chat is definitely a gift to give others. so often, people have become lazy with it. dull, disinterested. those situations make me want to pull my hair out. and they happen (unfortunately) too frequently.

everyday, communication is required but certainly not everyday you (or at least, i don't) have those extraordinary encounters with people who just shake up your view points and make you think long after you leave their presence. but, why not?

literaturo

books on a shelf always seem to photograph just so.

 

factual

hierarchy within the frito-lay variety box from costco:

cooler ranch doritos > regular doritos > cheetos 

and then

ruffles > lays > fritos

blegh, fritos.