but, as soon as i decided to leave, i decided to stay. i started to understand it here. and my blog really was a big part of me enjoying everything. it has been a place for me to collect all of the excitement and beauty of new york and display it and remind myself how lucky i am to live here. because i certainly didn't feel that way for a while. having my blog has kept me completely motivated and dedicated to seek out everything lovely. it pushes me to go a little bit further with things that i have wanted to do. i have a responsibility to myself to document the small, kind and inspiring.
and i remember writing this entry within the days that i decided to stay. when i started to realize how wonderful it is to live here.
and i am thankful that i was able to have those crucial moments and days of recognition and reconsideration, and to have an account of the entire process.i don't think new york city is beautiful. some people do. i prefer nature. i prefer flower gardens and ponds and critters running about (so much that street rats don't bother me one bit, though i would trade them in a second for a few deer and a rabbit.) and i prefer willow trees and bird's nests and their morning chirps. i look out my window when i am at work, located a few blocks away from grand central station, and all i see are buildings. no sky, no ground below. just buildings. something that has stayed with me for a while is a line in julia alvarez's book, how the garcia girls lost their accents. i am loosely rephrasing this, but she says that being in new york city is not being inside nor is it being outside. agreed. sometimes it doesn't feel like real life. sometimes i feel as though i am in a painting. concrete and skyscrapers may be gloriously appealing to some. but not to me.maybe that's the best part of it all. i have to dig a little bit deeper to uncover the extra-ordinary beauty beneath. it is more precious and rare. but when it is there, it's loud and it's merry and it can make me smile long, long after.