reconsidered

a year ago, i was ready to leave new york. i couldn't find anything about it that inspired me. i shut down creatively and was looking for a way out. last summer was difficult. i was used to idyllic summers spent largely at the beach in connecticut and in vermont and not the views from my office window of rough and tough midtown-manhattan.

but, as soon as i decided to leave, i decided to stay. i started to understand it here. and my blog really was a big part of me enjoying everything. it has been a place for me to collect all of the excitement and beauty of new york and display it and remind myself how lucky i am to live here. because i certainly didn't feel that way for a while. having my blog has kept me completely motivated and dedicated to seek out everything lovely. it pushes me to go a little bit further with things that i have wanted to do. i have a responsibility to myself to document the small, kind and inspiring.

and i remember writing this entry within the days that i decided to stay. when i started to realize how wonderful it is to live here.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

i don't think new york city is beautiful. some people do. i prefer nature. i prefer flower gardens and ponds and critters running about (so much that street rats don't bother me one bit, though i would trade them in a second for a few deer and a rabbit.) and i prefer willow trees and bird's nests and their morning chirps. i look out my window when i am at work, located a few blocks away from grand central station, and all i see are buildings. no sky, no ground below. just buildings. something that has stayed with me for a while is a line in julia alvarez's book, how the garcia girls lost their accents. i am loosely rephrasing this, but she says that being in new york city is not being inside nor is it being outside. agreed. sometimes it doesn't feel like real life. sometimes i feel as though i am in a painting. concrete and skyscrapers may be gloriously appealing to some. but not to me.

maybe that's the best part of it all. i have to dig a little bit deeper to uncover the extra-ordinary beauty beneath. it is more precious and rare. but when it is there, it's loud and it's merry and it can make me smile long, long after.

and i am thankful that i was able to have those crucial moments and days of recognition and reconsideration, and to have an account of the entire process.