Friday, December 02, 2011

now and then

last christmas, one of my gifts was an easy bake oven-esque cupcake maker. really! and inside: it had a groupon for cupcakes 101 at butter lane in my neighborhood. it took almost a year for me to actually use it, but i went to the class tonight and it was pretty glorious. in my group of cream-cheese-frosting-makers (there were also chocolate- and vanilla-frosting-makers), was a girl and her sister. one of them documented the entire experience. the other sister helped her out by taking pictures of her using the mixer, pouring in the sugar, etc. she perfectly arranged half-eaten cupcakes and then pushed all of the frosting bowls to the center of the table to capture the most appealing photo. she frosted her cupcakes just so that she even won the class award (and gift certificate!) for making the nicest-looking treats. but in the time she took the photographs and frosted one cupcake, i had finished frosting four and was putting them away in my to-go box.

so, as you might have noticed, i haven't blogged since october 10. i was going to post a laundry list of reasons why, but i didn't. in general: i am busy. more than ever, i've been immersed in my work. but luckily for me, i have a wildly incredible job. i don't want to write about my day-to-day (besides it being a conflict of interest) because i don't want to be another bragging blogger. if i was to write about my recent weeks, i would sound as if i have the most glamorous life. which i do and i don't. before glamour's women of the year awards (with so many celebz i can't even count) a few weeks ago at carnegie hall, i had a mcChicken for dinner and then took the city bus home. i had +/- 15 dollars in my bank account at the time. the week i interviewed oscar de la renta and met snooki, was also the week i stayed in and watched back-to-back-to-back episodes of bored to death with my BF. whatever. i think a lot about how people cultivate internet identities. picking, choosing, omitting.

furthermore, i seldom bring my digital camera anywhere. and if i take pictures, i almost exclusively use a disposable cam. i like waiting for my film to develop. i like having pictures to hold in my hands and to show my friends when they come to my apartment. but this also means that the pictures are no longer instantaneously available. and that makes it a bit tricky when thinking about a blog. but the quality of a picture on film is a thousand times more beautiful and i love that each camera only allows you to capture 27 photographs. think of how many times you take a picture with a digital camera to get it just right, i prefer not to have that "luxury." one chance is all i get and all i want. my friend told me that while on vacation, her friend was going through her camera while sitting on the beach. enjoying, scrutinizing, deleting. YOU'RE ON THE BEACH.

it's also tiresome/weird to preface stories which i tell in real life that are on my blog with "i posted this on my blog and i don't know if you've seen it yet, but.." maybe it's just me being a little too self aware and self conscious, but i hate re-telling stories. it's pretty obvious when people are recounting a tale for the 3rd of 4th time. it sounds like they're rehearsing lines for a play. the perfect emphasis, word usage for maximum effect, pausing at the right moments, etc. i don't want to regurgitate the same stories to everyone and so i feel the need to warn people that what i say to them is also on my blog. an act to seem more genuine, i guess. a courtesy?

and i am not the sunshiney-cute 22 year old that i was when i started charmly. i am not nearly as positive. and i'm totally fine with that. also, "this would be a great post for my blog!" is no longer an immediate thought when something wonderful happens.

but, i am ambivalent. i absolutely love having 2+ years documented on charmly. i have not forgotten the bouquets of flowers i bought myself and afternoons spent with friends. i am so happy to have entries like this, this and this. i am thankful for all of my entries.

so maybe i will try this month to be a better blogger. to really push myself to write and post pictures and get back into the swing of things.


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